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(Always Been) Lookin' For A Reason To Die

from Disrespect by The Drug Budget

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lyrics

When you believe maybe love's just a thing
Just like anything else
Then you are seeing the darkness at the end of the tunnel
And there's no saving yourself

But you swear you were never invested
Just to kill the surprise
You know my life's long since been arrested
For flashing before my innocent eyes too many times

(When the lights fall from the sky)
You know I've always been lookin' for a reason to die
It's all right (That's all just a dirty lie)
You know I've always been lookin' for a reason to die

Now when a true dictator's tired he'll go sleepless or resign
If he skips a beat the understudies climb
To expose the open seat invokes the weakness of the mind
And darling, I can't meet the need to keep my place in the line

Now every item marked as merchandise is poisoning my mind
Save the toys my witless childhood enshrined
But if happiness is plastic plastered over sheltered eyes
Darling, I'm organic, panicking that I'm going blind

So lie and decieve the world to get just what you need
Cause from the churches down to the homeless
No one's profiting off of honesty
Now if everything's an illusion
Pure deception sets you free
Coexistence is is combined confusion and
Staying alive is absolutely killing me

Now would you rather be an evil genius or be dumb but nice?
Power hungry or plain preyed upon by lies?
Only old and young among us have the free time to think twice
And darling, I'm just torn on which would make a better disguise

How quickly the desire to start manifesting wrath
Has suddenly become the sole emotion that seems appealing
If she truly thinks that I'm a sociopath
Why does she always phrase the claim like she's trying to hurt my feelings?

Nowhere is exactly where it's always been
We've all been before and we'll all come again
You know that I've always been looking for a reason to die

Somewhere deep inside is an everlasting plan
To slowly overcome the bad decisions that need redeeming
If it's bad enough even I know I'm damned
How could I ever feel unafraid and try not to keep on dreaming?

Nowhere is exactly where it's always been
We've all been before and we'll all come again
You know that I've always been looking for a reason to die

It's truly a mistake to bank on my enduring faith
Given all the hopes and dreams that I've let slide
And with the psilocybin still inside him silence filled his eyes
He said "I've always been looking for a reason to die"

We've got a lot to lose and a whole lot more to gain
When our every move is out to prove
That our heart cannot outsmart our brain
Now if the ever-honest law abides then the killer is king because
He'll rob the sick, the poor, the weak before
All the competition does

We treat our salesmen right
They go out every night
Trying to steal the show
But do I really wanna know what paradise looks like?
We treat our salesmen right
They go out every night
Trying to deal the blow
But do I really wanna know what paradise looks like?

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from Disrespect, released May 13, 2014

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The Drug Budget Minneapolis, Minnesota

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